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Most people going through the divorce process feel weighed down by negatives…an extreme sense of failure, sadness over lost dreams, and a paralyzing case of “If only I would have…” Those thoughts are pointless, depressing and probably wrong. It happened. Now it is time to begin rebuilding your tattered self esteem.

Five Steps to Stay Positive

Try these five steps, giving you positive stepping stones to help you climb slowly but steadily out of the Pits of Divorce.

1. Set one realistic goal for yourself each week. In high stress periods (like during the divorce process or holidays) this may be nothing more than breathing all day or eating three fairly nutritious meals a day. In more moderate periods it may involve signing up for an enjoyable evening class or joining a divorce support group.
2. Keep a “Thankful” journal. Every day write down something positive about yourself. On good days that might include the completion of a project at work. In more challenging times it may simply be that you have nice hands or eyebrows! Then write something that you are thankful for in your life such as money for gas in the car or your kid did well on an exam or a friend asked you to lunch. Set a specific time of the day to write in your “thankful” journal each day, and don’t skip a day!
3. Compliment someone else. Make it is a sincere compliment – not a phony one. How often have you thought: nice dress, or good work, you have a great smile, or that they did an awesome job as your waitress. Don’t just think good thoughts – say them. Making someone else feel good always has a boomerang effect!
4. Honor the Positives. List the reasons you are a great human being. (If that phrase made you wince, you may need help with your list – believe in YOU, my friend). Include things you do well, like gardening, writing, reading, child care, weaving and so forth. The list is about YOU. I am going to share some qualities for you to springboard from: athletic, compassionate, dependable, encouraging to others, ethical, free-spirited, generous, giving, honorable, inventive, loving, nurturing, peacekeeper, practical, resourceful, wise, cheerful, courteous, empathetic, energetic, firm friend, funny, gentle, helpful, intelligent, kinds, musical, optimistic, physically fit, reliable, thoughtful to name a few. If there are qualities you wish you had listed but don’t why not begin creating them in your life.
5. Develop and repeat affirmation several times a day. Here are a couple for you to springboard from: “I am a deeply good and loving person.” Or “I am capable of handling my own life.” And one of my favorites is from the Mary Tyler Moore show, “You’re gonna make it after all.”

You are valuable and God has a plan for Your life. Don’t opt out of your role in His story!

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 Copyright ©2009 Sandra Dopf. All Rights Reserved.