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Motherhood is an important job, and we all want to be successful, whether we are married or single, success in motherhood isn’t an option of whether you are divorced or not.
I remember the first time I checked “divorced” as my marital status on a form, I went "ouch that hurts" and really ticked me off (partly because I’m not sure why I had to check anything other than “female”. However I was thinking this just can’t be my life. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. But I had gone from married with children to single with children in one afternoon.
Before divorce entered our lives, my husband and I talked about our kids, their schedules the sharing of bath time routines and taking to soccer practice. We dreamed of family vacations and many future events in our children’s lives. At first I couldn’t imagine how I would do this on my own (except for when he has them) and ten years later I am, sometimes I am still trying to figure it out.
But what I did know for sure was that I still envisioned my kids growing up as happy, healthy, godly children no matter what our circumstances were and the challenges we faced. My divorce wasn’t going to cost my children anymore than the obvious. They still needed a mother and that role is mine.
As a single mom, it has been hard for me to find ways to spend quality time with them while balancing the day-to-day responsibilities of home and work. But they will always be my priority. While I would love to spend all our time together having fun, the reality is bills need to be paid, and the house will smell if dishes pile up in the sink. I know this from experience?
How do I get it all done? Well… I don’t. I simply do the best I can each and every day and trust God to fill in the gaps.
I didn’t learn this lesson overnight. The year after the divorce, I tried to be Super Mom, but failed miserably. Looking back, I have often wondered if God thwarted some of my efforts so I would learn to depend more upon Him. My kids don’t need a Super Mom. They need me – a mom who tries hard and loves them unconditionally. When I let go of the things I couldn’t reasonably I couldn’t reasonably accomplish, God provided for us in ways I never could have imagined.
As for smelly dishes … I’ve learned to be creative when it comes to getting the necessary things done, as well as extra “tasks” that arise. I always ask one of my kids to run mundane errands with me – it gives me a chance to let them drive and I see how they are handling this responsibility as well as some time to catch up on conversation (cars are a great place to do this). I still make sure we eat together a few times each week – there is no substitution for the “table talk” about everyone’s day. And yes, at first that was hard it was like a three-legged table – something was missing but eventually dinner time felt like family time again.
Being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world, and I’ve made my share of mistakes. I consider myself successful though, as long as my kids feel loved unconditionally, and never feel like they are always seconds in my life. As they grow, I don't want them to look back and remember their mom was too busy for them. I want them to look back at their mom’s divorced single-parenting life and remember that they were still a family and she never opted out of her role as mother.
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