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Forty-three percent. That is how many American women age 20 and older are single, according to 2006 U.S. Census Bureau statistics. In years past unmarried women were a minority, but now almost half of all women are single. Not all are divorced but divorces to make up a large percentage of that group. So should this depress you? Well, I hope this article helps you to strive for contentment, to fit into family-oriented churches, navigate single-parenting and fostering a community with married women.

At the end of the day you are usually alone. Yes, you may be dating or raising children but when you crawl in bed at night, pay bills, or live the responsibilities of your life you realize you are alone. In that vulnerable moment, you also know that you just may be the Prince in your life galloping in on that white horse.

How I stayed Strong and Single

The following are put together from the road I have walked and hope they bring some light to your path:

• You can find contentment in your single life and not blaming God, your ex or your situation for your singleness. To make the most of the life that is before you and not always reflecting back or looking forward but living in the here and now.
• Ways in which to fill in the gaps in your social life. Isolation and loneliness seem to be feelings of companionship after divorce. You will have to be intentional in putting activities and relationship building in your life. Such as joining a single’s group at church, a dance class, cooking class or risking a call to a lady you just met to see if she’d like to meet for coffee.
• That your focus is not on finding a new spouse. Let’s face it – God created us relationally and sexually and we desire to have someone in our life that will love and cherish us and whom to do this life with. But if that is your focus each day and with each new event you go to you will feel such disappointment. Go do life – live it – the way you desire and if God puts someone in your path then great but if He doesn’t then you learned how to line dance, or cook or saw something new. Your world is bigger because you chose to live it and not exist in the mean time. Don’t allow you divorce to just be the “in between” of one marriage and another.
• That God says He will give you the desires of your heart, so He will give me a husband. However, when King David wrote those words in the Psalms, he wasn’t implying god would wave a magic wand and make all our dreams come true. We won’t get a husband, high metabolism, money in the check book just by wishing. Instead be excited about the heavenly Father’s provision and protection extended to faithful believers and in your singleness today. In my experience, no matter which side of the marital fence we’re standing, the grass typically looks greener in the other field. No man’s heart is big enough to meet all your emotional needs and a man isn’t a financial plan. So live your life responsibly and healthy.
• Single parenting is tough no doubt. Parenting alone and the lost feeling of not being able to lean on anyone with the day to day decisions and responsibilities is a daunting task. There is no one coming home to take over. But your kids need a parent that is willing to pray for the strength and guidance to parent and seek out help for this journey. They still need to know they are a part of a family even though it looks different and as hard as it may be my friend that is your job.
• Learn to avoid making decisions about - spending, dating, relocating, or any major life transition change – out of loneliness. I have also learned some good news about loneliness. It won’t kill me – even though at times I feel it might.

I hope and pray that you too will experience God’s love, protection, and provision during your single days – however many they may be! Remember my friend, “this day, these circumstances are mine – how I live it will be my choice and legacy.”

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 Copyright ©2009 Sandra Dopf. All Rights Reserved.